We all assume different postures to address different situations in life. Often we are not even cognizant of the particular stances that we assume, but we are confused by the reactions that those stances elicit. When we are more aware of how we place ourselves in the world, we have a better chance of making it a nicer and more accommodating place to live.
A few weeks ago a colleague arrived at my office, as we had planned to workout together. She was texting furiously on her phone as she walked in, and continued to pace the room. A mumbled hello sufficed as a greeting, which was acceptable because I was also preoccupied with last minute tasks. As I contentedly tied up the ends on projects for that day, I sat back to wait for this colleague to finish her conversation, which seemed important from her furrowed brow and intent stare at the phone's screen. Five minutes later she tossed the phone onto the desk and huffed, collapsing into an office chair beside her. What happened next was an event that I as the observer noticed as having been influenced by her conversation, although I doubt that my colleague noticed much. In her frustration she failed to notice the "broken" sign taped to the back of the chair. Most likely she didn't even notice the chair until the exact moment when she sat down. As she slumped slumped down, the back of the chair gave way and the entire thing, colleague included flipped back to the floor. The huff turned into a howl that was followed by language not for these pages. I watched the entire scene from my new unbroken chair, smiling bemusedly to myself.
My colleague had just added nervous and uneasy to her the frustration from her texting convo. And those feelings were now popping out like the tells on a gambler. Nervously brushing her messy hair back, shoulders up and leaning forward in either an aggressive or determined stance, I wasn't about to become the next obstacle that she tripped over. Standing up and grabbing my things, I threw up my hands to say "OK let's go". We proceeded down the elevator and through the lobby onto the street, with her ploughing forward in a bubble of unease the entire way. Although we made it to the gym and proceeded through our workout without any other events, it was clear that her disaffection would not soon disperse. I don't doubt that she was unaware of her presence in the world, and so was unable to change it. The other part she may have missed is how that presence detracted from her awareness about the immediate environment, which led to her incident with the chair and a workout that contributed to anxiety for both of us, rather than dispelling it. From the first moments when she was engaged in texting, she lost center. Her perception was ungrounded by the feelings and thoughts in her head, and she was unable to locate her body in the room. This failure of proprioception amounted in an embarrassing event that drove her further from center. How could she have stopped this sequence from unfolding?
Had my colleague made the choice to show up differently in the conversation and in my office, she may have been able to subvert the anxiety from the rest of her day. The choice to let frustration overrun her senses in the immediate environment was the catalyst that triggered a domino effect of other tensions. The ungrounded mental state that began with texting a conversation, showed up physically and interrupted the other relationships in her life - namely those with me and the chair. I don't judge her choice in the conversation as I have often made similar choices in the moment, but to watch the avalanche effect, from a simple bad conversation, take hold, gave me cause to ponder how often we are aware of the chain reactions that our posturing can unfold.
